-70 lbs Reached Today..& Long Rambles.

So today marks a 70 lb loss since my RNY March 12. I currently weigh 193 lbs. I know I'm lighter obviously because the scale says so, and physically I can feel my collarbones and hip bones and ribs, but I still can't see what others see. I visited a friend this past weekend I hadn't seen since right before surgery, who doesn't know I had RNY, and she called me skinny. A guy I've been dating called me skinny and My BFF called me skinny after not seeing me since April. While I think they are all insane because 193 lbs isn't skinny, I wish I could see that "skinnier" version of myself. I still see what I used to look like. It helps to compare past pictures of myself to pictures of me now, but when I'm not comparing, I still think I'm heavy. I see my stomach and it still looks and feels huge to me. I am happy with my weight loss so far, but at the same time I feel this tinge of disappointment because I'm not as far along as I thought I would've been at this time (prior to surgery of course.) I know everyone loses at a different pace and I shouldn't compare my weight loss to anyone else's, and had I not had the surgery I wouldn't have been able to lose this much weight on my own, (and every other reassuring statement people make) but still..it's very difficult when you get this idea in your head of wanting to be at a certain weight at a certain time, and then not being there. I know I will eventually make it to my goal weight, but I just wish it would go quicker! I don't want to seem like I'm ungrateful or complaining about my progress, because that's not it..it's more like I had unrealistic expectations for myself and now feel disappointed (even though I know I shouldn't.) So yeah..that's what's going on in my conflicted mind right now! The past 5 days I have been eating really bad, and need to get back on track. So many things have been happening with friends/festivals and I made some poor choices, which led to some more poor choices, which led to a complete derailing of healthy eating. Luckily I've still lost weight, but it won't be like this forever, and eventually the poor choices once in awhile become an all time thing, so in the future I need to be more careful when going out for meals and hanging with friends and not even let myself get off track, even just for "one time." As of tomorrow, I am back to my regular diet. Let's do a recap of just how poorly I ate..Saturday when I went to visit a friend, we ate at Olive Garden for dinner. I *should* have gotten the soup, salad, breadsticks and just had a little salad and Minestrone soup, no breadsticks. What did I do instead? Ate quite a bit of salad (not a lot for normal people, but for RNYers it was probably considered a lot since protein should be the main focus), had half a breadstick, and ordered stuffed chicken marsala. Had a few bites of the mashed potatoes that came with it, a few bites of chicken, and then was extremely full..didn't feel very well after that at all. Gave leftovers to my Mom when I got home. For a snack once I was less full that evening, I had a 1/4 cup of Gardettos and a handful of M&M's I had bought while with my friend that day. Sunday I ate fine until the evening, where I had another handful of M&M's and another 1/4 cup of Gardettos. Monday I went to the fair with my family. I knew I wasn't going to be able to find much food wise, so I brought a healthy granola bar along with me. While my parents were chowing down on cream puffs, ice cream, brats, and hamburgers, I ate my measly little bar. Around 1:00 I realized that wasn't enough food, and I was hungry. I drank a lot of water, and my Dad got a low-cal Root Beer which I had 2 sips of. Then I got a grilled chicken wrap w/ no dressing, and ate half w/ a pickle, while my Mom ate the other half. (Not horrible but should've not eaten the wrap part..). Then my Dad and I shared a Diet lemonade (I think this was 0 calories since it was sweetened with Sweet & Lo) then my Mom got a cream puff so I had a couple bites of that. Then after the fair I went to hang out with my best friend who was in town visiting. We went shopping and I was craving peanut butter M&M's, and she bought some, so I rationalized buying a small bag too. We had Mexican for dinner, which came with free chips and salsa..which I ate a lot of. I ordered a chicken taco salad, anticipating it was grilled chicken and I could just eat that and some of the salad part and not the giant shell it came in. My food came and I started eating and realized it was shredded chicken with a funky sauce. I ate some of it but didn't like it, so I took the rest home for my parents. That night I had a handful of those damn PB M&M's. Then Tuesday, the WORST day of my eating..I had the remaining PB M&M's for breakfast since I was running late for an appointment, and was going to meet my friend for lunch at Panera anyways. By the time I got to Panera to meet her I was super hungry, and couldn't decide what I wanted (usually I get a chicken caesar salad dressing on the side) so I got a half turkey sandwich & half salad w/ chips. I also got a free pastry for my birthday (I chose a Cobblestone muffin I WAS planning on giving to my Mom along with the chips.) They screwed up my sandwich, so I ended up getting two turkey sandwich halves. So we brought the food home and at first I ate half the sandwich. An hour later, had a few bites of the muffin just because it was there and looked good..well one thing led to another, and by that evening I had eaten half of a 600 calorie muffin, in addition to my lunch of half the turkey sandwich and and some of the salad. I also had some more M&M's & most likely some Gardettos. Then today rounds off the 5th day of poor eating. I had the other turkey sandwich half,the remainder of the salad, the remainder of the muffin, the bag of chips, & the last of the M&M's. I also had a Special K chocolatey pretzel bar (90 calories so not horrible but it tastes like a candy bar and really has no nutritional value). I think the only healthy things I ate today were a little bit of cheese, small piece of watermelon, and a few bites of chicken because I was so full from eating so much other garbage. So that is the recap of my 5-day bad eating binge which ends tomorrow!! All the crap is gone and I won't be buying it again and in the future will not be making choices like that. It was like one poor choice led to a sequence of even more bad ones and things got out of control very quickly. On a better note, I have been exercising for about 2.5 hours 5 days a week. I even started running, and run a mile, bike 10 miles, walk 2 miles. I then do strength training and core. So..yeah..not much else to say I suppose. My goal is to weigh 188 lbs by my 6 month checkup in September. I think I can get there, just need to start fresh with the eating tomorrow and get back to my regular foods. No more going out...until this weekend, which is my birthday! I will make better choices however and not go so crazy like I did this past week. Ahh. I still can't believe I ate all that. Apparently I don't dump..Hope everyone else is having a good week!

Onederland!!

The day finally happened.. I made it to Onederland!! I weighed in this morning at 199, and I couldn't believe it! I had to weigh myself 5 or 6 times to make sure the number was real! I am so happy and excited. Officially down 64 lbs from my surgery on March 12, and most importantly hit the first milestone I had for myself which was to be under 200. I don't think I was even under 200 in high school! I still kind of can't believe it. I knew it would happen but it seemed so far away and then today it happened! My goal for the end of this month is to weigh 192, so only 7 lbs to go! That seems completely doable. For the past 3 or 4 days I've been losing about a pound everyday, so I hope it keeps going this fast! For a few weeks prior I was barely losing 2 or 3 lbs a week, and all of a sudden things are picking up speed again. I feel SO close to my goal now. I think around 160-170 lbs I will feel normal at least, and I'm still deciding on what my "final" goal will be. I originally thought 120, because I figured in 10-20 lbs of regain to settle and maintain a weight of 130- 140. My family and doctor think anywhere between 140-160 is what I should settle for, but I know that regain happens, and I don't want to weigh more than that, so I'm not really sure what I want my goal weight to be. I personally can't imagine myself at 120. I'm almost 5'6", and I've seen some pictures of people at my height and that weight and they seem very, very thin, but also very in shape. It makes me wonder if I can even get that small, because I feel like my gut while it is shrinking will never fully go away! We'll see what happens. I'm just going to keep working out everyday and eating right and see where it takes me. On another note, I cut about 5 inches of my beloved beautiful long hair off this Saturday! It is falling out really badly, so while the thinness isn't really noticeable, it's more of a nuisance to find long strands of hair everywhere. My hair stylist kept commenting on how different and weird my hair felt, because it had thinned so significantly..my hair used to be super thick. It has also significantly lightened, even though I don't spend THAT much time in the sun..so I don't know why! My new do is super cute, and I even got side-swept bangs. I posted a picture online and got so many compliments and for some reason it was evident to people that I had lost a bunch of weight in those photos but up until then no one has said anything! Kind of funny! I think the next 50 lbs I lose are really going to be noticeable, moreso than the weight I already lost. Currently I'm in size 16 bottoms and OUT OF WOMEN'S PLUS (can I get a yahoo!!) and in a regular women's XL or L in some brands. Awesome! :)

Why I Chose RNY-For Julia!

Hi Julia! I saw that you commented on my blog so wanted to get back to you on here. This is going to be super long, I apologize! I tried to post this in your comment area but it was TOO long, so you get a whole blog post lol! I'm not sure how many blog posts of mine you've read, but if you saw them, you'll know I am too in my early 20's and from WI, so howdy neighbor! :) Initially I was set on the Lap-Band..I read many blogs, did research, and felt that it was the best decision for me until I went to my first seminar meeting and surgeon consult. I learned more about RNY (and more about Lap-Band as well), possible complications, expected weight loss results, chance for regain, and was able to speak with people who had gone through RNY, and saw their success firsthand. It was during that time I gave serious consideration to having RNY instead, and after much thought ultimately that's what I chose. I'll try to address as much as I can in explaining why I felt it was the best decision for me, but as others have said, ultimately you have to choose which you think will work best for you, because everyone is different. One of the main reasons I chose RNY was awful heartburn prior to surgery. A lot of people with the Band and Sleeve experience heartburn even if they didn’t have it before surgery, and I wanted it to go away with no possibility of it coming back. So far I have no heartburn whatsoever, and am able to eat/drink highly acidic foods. Addressing the complication issue, like you I initially was against RNY because I felt that it was “major” surgery, and complications were more likely to happen because of it. This scared me a bit, as well as the thought of rerouting my intestines, and it being irreversible. But then I developed the mindset that any complications that arose may be uncomfortable and scary, but would most likely be able to be fixed. I felt the small chance of complications developing was worth it to me in order to lose weight and be happier and healthier. I also realized that while Lap-Band IS technically reversible, unless there was something wrong with my band or it caused other complications, why would I have it reversed? I wouldn’t! I felt that a WLS tool for me needed to be permanent, so there was really no downside to having it be an irreversible procedure. I also felt like with Lap-Band, I would always feel abnormal in a way and not be able to just live my life feeling like I never had WLS. I would need fills in order to feel restriction, some days my band could be finicky and I couldn’t eat certain things or they would get stuck and I’d PB, and I would see my port site as I lost weight and it would be a constant reminder of having it done. I didn’t really want all that. It sounds weird but I don’t feel like I had WLS. I feel like this is what a normal person should feel like. I’m able to not constantly be hungry and think about food, control my portions, and can make healthy choices and still eat what I want to eat. Everything I’ve tried I’m able to tolerate, and I feel like my relationship with food is getting better as time goes on, because it’s no longer all I think about. I’m not sure if that could have been achieved for me if I went with the band. I’m not really sure if there are actually MORE complications with RNY. I know many who have the band who have no issues and are successful, but also just as many who have had problems and had to have it taken out completely, or a revision surgery. The chance of having to go through one surgery to have an issue with it, and then go through a second to keep my weight off, was not one I wanted to take. My surgery went flawlessly, and I’ve had no complications. I was in the hospital 2 nights, up and walking around the first evening after surgery. I was sore but in no means in tons of pain. By the third day I walked myself out of the hospital, took pain meds to fall asleep, woke up and threw the rest out because I didn’t need them. I had LAP-RNY, so I have 6 incisions that are extremely small and didn’t have any sutures that needed to be taken out. As for dumping, only about 30% of RNYers experience it, so it’s not a given. If someone doesn’t think they have enough self-control to make good choices and need to rely on dumping in order to do that, RNY isn’t for them, and WLS in general probably isn’t either. It’s only a tool and at the end of the day you still have to make good eating decisions. I don’t dump. Which is good and bad. I can eat all the fruit I want and a piece of chocolate here and there (some dump so bad they can’t eat ANY sugar), but that means I have to make the conscious choice to not eat foods high in fat/sugar, because there will be no negative consequences. It truly is a complete lifestyle change. Also, RNY makes your stomach smaller, causes malabsoption, and removes your pyloric valve and the “hunger hormone producing” area of your stomach, I have noticed things I used to crave such as sweets and carbs, I don’t crave anymore. I’m not sure if that is actually a side effect of the surgery or just because I haven’t eaten those foods in months, but regardless, it’s a nice change. You’re not supposed to drink alcohol after RNY, because of how fast it will make you drunk and the toll it takes on your liver. This wasn’t an issue for me since I don’t drink at all, never have, but for some people this might not be something they want to accept, so RNY wouldn’t be for them. Because of the malabsorption aspect, RNY also requires you to take certain vitamins for life. For some people this isn’t something they wanted to do. For me, it wasn’t a big deal since it just meant adding a few more vitamins to my vitamin routine. As far as weight regain, it can happen with any WLS, regardless of which one you choose. This is only a tool and by no means will it solve WHY you eat certain foods or stop you from eating them. RNY helped to control my hunger, which means I don’t think about food all the time, and eat much smaller portions, but I am the one who chooses if I eat broccoli and chicken or Taco Bell (for the record I haven’t had that post-op and don’t plan on it lol!) Regardless of which surgery you pick you will have to work with the tool and make good choices either way, or you will gain weight. It has to be a commitment that lasts FOREVER, not just until you get to your goal weight. Saving the best for last…weight loss! It IS faster with RNY than with Lap-Band. You will probably reach your goal weight sooner, and on average are more likely to lose a higher percentage of your excess weight with RNY than with Lap-Band, however, people still reach their goal with Lap-Band (just may take longer.) I had 143 lbs to lose (only 88 to go now though!) so I wanted a faster weight loss. I want to weigh 120-130 lbs by my 1-year post-op visit. I think it’s doable at the rate I’m losing. No matter the surgery, it requires a lifestyle change. Eating slowly, chewing well, making healthy food choices, getting regular exercise, low-sugar/low-fat, ((vitamins)), choosing water over soda/juice/alcohol, addressing any emotional eating issues. It’s not easy and it’s not all sunshine and roses! But it’s completely worth it. Fitting into jeans I haven’t worn since high school, seeing bones I’ve never seen before, and overall feeling so much more confident and happy with myself..I would choose this surgery 10x over. I hope this novel of a comment helps you a little and I wish you luck on your decision! If you ever want to talk more about it or need support with whatever surgery you choose don’t hesitate to reach out to me (or any of the other awesome people on here!) Everyone is encouraging and has experience and wisdom to share ☺

-50 lbs!!

Today I officially hit -50 lbs since RNY March 12. I am sooo amazed and excited! I am only 13 lbs away from being under 200, and weighing less than I did in high school. I am so happy I had RNY. I am finally hitting my stride, the weight is coming off, I've figured out how to eat and get protein in, and I LOVE working out now. It is amazing how much a difference 50 lbs make as far as ease of working out. I don't get as hot and sweaty or as tired. It's wonderful. Physically I don't see a huge difference but I went out with friends I hadn't seen in awhile (they don't know I had surgery, just that I am eating well and exercising) and they said I looked so good, so that made me happy! I think the next 50 lbs I lose are going to be where I really see a difference in my appearance AND I CAN'T WAIT!! :-D

I'm Alive!

Hi...remember me?! I haven't blogged in nearly a month! So bad!! I really wanted to be more on top of documenting my weight loss journey by taking pictures and writing about my day-to-day life, but I guess I have been so busy living life I haven't had much time or energy to actually blog. I am going to try really hard to get back on it though, even if it's only once a week or something :) Everything has been going great..I guess when I started this whole process I thought there would be more downs than ups initially, so blogging would help me get through the rough times, but so far life has just been getting better and better. I've been keeping busy studying for financial licenses I need (only 1 test left to take, passed all the rest), working out 4x a week, attending training classes with my puppy 3x a week, and DATING! As of today I weigh...216 lbs!! I sometimes can't believe that in March I was 263, and now only 10 weeks later feel like a whole new person. While still overweight I feel way more normal and not like I stick out like a sore thumb because of my size. My clothes are smaller and cuter, and I feel like my body is starting to look good.. especially my legs!! They are getting so skinny, its crazy! Wish more would come off the stomach but I guess in time :) My eating has been a lot better..I have my appetite back and am not nauseous all the time, or repulsed and can actually tolerate just about anything, but can only eat small amounts at a time before I'm full. I eat a lot of lettuce, fruit, chicken, shrimp, and cheese. I have been staying away from most carbs and bread, but eat crackers with cheese for a snack for additional protein, as well as tortilla chips with different stuff on them (cheese, ground turkey, salsa). I think this is why I don't crave bread at all because I am still kind of eating some carby stuff, just very small quantities of it. Since I really enjoyed bread and carbs pre-op, I don't want to sabotage myself by introducing them back in my diet, when I don't even want them. I haven't really had any sweets except for the occasional bite of something when it was my parent's anniversary or Dad's birthday, and don't miss those either. I drink mainly water, but have been buying Diet Snapple (tea flavors) and drinking that, as well as low-sugar/ low-calorie Lemonade, and low-sugar Capri Sun. No soda, alcohol, coffee, or anything high in sugar or calories. The only issue with the tea is it has caffiene in it, which my NUT said was dehydrating, but I don't drink enough at any given time to feel dehydrated, so I am not really too concerned. The thing I am still most amazed about is how the RNY has controlled my cravings. I used to crave stuff all the time, and now food is just kind of like :meh:. I know I need to eat to get protein in and survive, so I do, and am able to make healthy choices. I think that's why my weight loss has been so successful so far is because I am not pushing the limits trying to eat old foods I used to, simply because I don't want them anymore. Other than that, not much else to say! I need to catch up and read blogs now, hope everyone has a great, beautiful day!

I weigh the same today as I did in 2007..!

So I have my 6 week checkup today, and I am feeling so good! I am down almost 40 lbs, but physically still can't really see a difference. My parents keep telling me they can see me getting slimmer, and I feel smaller when they hug me, but I can't tell! It's weird because I've lost more weight this time around than when I was working out like crazy and eating healthy, but I felt at that time the weight loss was more noticeable..maybe it was just me trying to convince myself all the ass-busting and starving was worth it. So anyways, out of curiosity I wanted to see how close I was to weighing what I weighed in college, and high school, so I went through my medical records I had, and I weigh less now than I did when I was 19, and the same as I did when I was 18...yay! I also found out I weighed around 200 lbs when I was 16, which is crazy to me..I don't remember being that heavy. I thought I looked okay. But wow. I can't wait till I hit 199. I haven't been UNDER 200 lbs in almost 10 years. It will be such a huge milestone, and I know I am so close. I think the best part is the satisfaction of knowing this time around I WILL get there, it's just a matter of time. *happy dance!*

1 Month Post-Op!

Today marks 1 month post-op. I am a horrible blogger and still haven't even written about my surgery experience or what life has been like since surgery, which is naughty of me! I need to catch up! Anyways, I am down 32 lbs since surgery on March 12, and weigh 231, and have been stuck at this number for a week now.. I hit the dreaded "3-week stall" I heard about..I am finally on a regular diet, which has been really tough because I have some nausea and absolutely no appetite. I have been eating a lot of fruit and trying to get in protein, but it is really hard since I am just not hungry. It is so funny to me now that I eat a few bites of food and am done...I never thought my hunger would be this under control. I have no cravings either....I don't want pizza like I thought I would, garlic bread, chips, cookies, etc. I don't really want anything, but watermelon. So I eat that lol. I am so happy I don't dump on it, because I heard a lot of people do...it just is so delicious to me. The only thing I really want but can't have is Coke, Ginger Ale, or orange soda, something with carbonation. I was never a huge soda drinker before surgery so this is kind of weird to me that I want it, but oh well! Maybe someday in the far off future I will have one. I have one pesky incision on my side that doesn't seem to want to heal, but other than that I feel completely normal...actually better than normally, since I am not hungry all the time!

I can't say at this point in time I am "elated" or "so happy" I chose to have the surgery, because I feel like I am still adjusting to this new life, and dealing with the fact that I am still heavy, yet I don't have that comfort of food anymore, so it's like I gave up something for nothing at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I don't, but still..there is this void, and it is just an adjustment. I guess I thought I would have the surgery and turn into this workout queen, drop a ton of weight really fast, land myself a man, etc. etc...and it hasn't happened..YET..I think I expect too much from myself. I mean 32 lbs in a month? That would have been impossible without the surgery. But I still want there to be more. More results and more of me noticing a change, which aside from my face and legs, I don't see much. I also can't work out yet (have to wait another month) so have just been walking, so the work out queen I envisioned of myself isn't there yet. I think also this stall is playing mind games with me. It's like I won't be able to get past this, and I went through all of this for nothing and am gonna remain 231 lbs forever. I know that's not true and the weight will eventually come off, but still.

So yeah that's what's been up as of late! Time to play catch up. Hope everyone else is doing well :)