Psych Consult, Boyfriend Drama, Stress Test Tomorrow

So many things have been happening and I haven't had a chance to write, so this is going to be a random blog hopefully covering everything!

So first off, I had my psych consult last week Thursday. I wasn't too nervous becaue I already know I am crazy, so whatever the professional told me wouldn't come as a shock (ha ha ha!) The appointment first started off with 165 true/false questions assessing your personality I had to answer. The questions were so random! To give you an idea, the questions ranged from "I have been on the cover of a magazine five times in the past year" to "I find great comfort in knowing God is by my side" to "I get sad thinking about how sick I am" to "My weight limits my activity." I think the idea was to ask certain questions that would tell what type of WLS patient you would be, your mental outlook toward your health and surgery, and your overall mental state...with a few random off the wall questions thrown in to make you not question what the test was trying to get at. After answering that test, I met with the psycholoigist who just asked me the general basic questions. He was extremely nice, supportive, and a friendly outgoing guy..I felt comfortable with him but didn't disclose more information than I needed to, just in case. I heard some horror stories about psychologists trying to talk prospective WLS patients out of the sugery or try to get to the root of the problem through therapy rather than surgery, so was a little leery but this wasn't the case at all. Another reason I am so happy I chose the Bariatric Center I did, because everyone I have had to work with is very familiar with the surgeons, the program, and are supportive and positive. So after talking with him for about 30 mins or so, he said I seemed like a great candidate for the surgery and there was no reason he would deny me...unless the test revealed I was an axe murderer (that made me laugh really hard!) I asked him if he had denied anyone before and he said just once, and it happened last week..a woman who had flat out told him she wasn't going to change her behavior. I don't really know how that would be possible NOT to change behavior after surgery...RNY kind of forces you to, otherwise you could die. I also don't know why you would want to go through all the pain, aggravation, and lifestyle change if you weren't going to change..it was weird. He also kept commenting how he couldn't believe how healthy I was and that I had no issues because many of the other patients he saw were "complete trainwrecks." That made me laugh a little! I should find out the final results of the test next week sometime, but I don't forsee there to be any issues.

So the guy I had gone on those three dates with, asked me to be his girlfriend on Tuesday..we had really hit it off, talked nonstop for a few weeks, our dates were wonderful, and I felt very connected to him, so I happily said yes. Then we were texting/talking/Skyping nonstop and I am not sure how we got on the topic but he told me about his not-so-good past..he got into a lot of trouble getting caught abusing prescription painkillers because of a car accident he had been in. He has been clean for over 3 years now (at least what he tells me) and had he not told me this I would never have guessed it. I was a little shocked when he told me but really didn't think of him as a bad person or someone I wouldn't want to be with, and I told him that. Since my parents and I are so close and they had been asking me about this guy and his life, I told them about it, not really thinking they would react the way they did...my Dad basically told me he wants me to stop talking to this guy and never see him again. I really thought they would be understanding since he is now trying to turn his life around, but was very wrong. My Dad thinks that he is putting on an act and is being extra nice because he knows he needs to get me to like him because of his past. He also thinks that because of my weight and insecurity I am just settling for someone, rather than finding someone with a life more similar to mine. I don't really know what to think I guess. I really do like him, but never thought I would date someone who led that kind of life. I am very impressed by him because of his acceptance of me, but because of what my Dad said now I am questioning if he really likes me for me or if he likes me because he has his own issues. I just don't know. I told my Dad I wanted to keep getting to know him and find that out for myself rather than just assume because if I stop talking to him I could be missing out on a wonderful person. His rationale is I should just end it now, since it is too risky to be with someone who used drugs and could start back up again. He thinks I have worked too hard in life as far as going to school and starting a job, and once I have the surgery my weight will be under control and I will be able to have more of a social life and meet more people and be more confident in myself, because he keeps telling me what a good personality I have and because of how I feel about my weight I think I deserve less or something.

I am so torn because it's my personality that I see the good in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove me otherwise. I think people can change and I think he is a very nice guy, with a good heart and amazing personality. He accepts me for who I am, at my weight now. I also got the nerve to tell him about my plans for surgery, and he was supportive although told me to just watch what I ate and exercise even though he thought I was beautiful..I told him it wasn't that easy and he understood and told me he'd be there for me. He is the first person outside of my parents I told, so was happy for that type of reaction. I feel like I will be letting down my parents if I see him against their wishes. I also realize that while I am 23, until I am able to save money, I am financially dependent on my parents. I know how my Dad is, and it's pretty much his way or the highway, and I don't want to go against his wishes and have him cut me off or something, because until I have surgery I don't want to apply for a normal job.. So yeah IDK what to do at this point.

Anyways, on a non-boy note, my EKG results came back abnormal, go figure, so now I have to get a 5 hour stress test and go in two days in a row, beginning tomorrow. Not happy! I had a stress test about 2 years ago that was maybe only an hour long at most, and this one is some type of nuclear one where they inject you with some sort of drug and it takes a long time to complete. I don't really know the science behind it, all I know is it will not be the most fun thing I have done in awhile! That's all for now, hope everyone is having a good week!

Lab Results Are In and the Verdict Is...

So I just got some of my lab work results in the mail, and the good news is I don't have a thyroid problem, h-pylori, diabetes, or any nutritional deficiency other tthan Iron. I am extremely low in Iron, and now have to take supplements! Not a big deal, so I am happy that I am healthy. I was anemic when I was younger so I think that I just don't eat enough Iron-rich foods even now. I also looked up Iron deficiency symptoms and have a lot of them, so I think the supplements might give me more energy! Anyone who has had this same problem?

Happy Camper!

I had a wonderful date on Saturday night! A little backstory...I started online dating recently in the hopes of meeting a nice guy to have fun with and get out and do things with, because I missed sharing that connection with someone. I don't drink so meeting men at bars isn't an option, so I figured I would give it a try. Up until yesterday, I have been completely unsuccessful! The guys ended up all being jerks, or only wanted one thing (and it wasn't to talk and have coffee!) and overall were pretty much losers. I started to just give up and feel really unconfident in myself and unworthy of being in a relationship..and yes I played the "I'm too fat to have a boyfriend card." I know my weight plays a role in some of the men that I attract, and how some treat me. They think it's okay to be disrespectful because they think I am desperate for love and attention, since I'm overweight. Unfortunately for them & their baby penises, I am NOT desperate, and would rather be single and lonely than someone's Internet sex slave. So anyways, after just about giving up, I met "J". We talked for about two weeks via Internet, text messages, and phone calls, exchanged pictures, and got to know each other pretty well. He seemed to be extremely nice, funny, down-to-earth, and completely non-judgmental. He would call me beautiful and when I told him about my past dating experiences he couldn't believe the guys were such jerks. I also told him my insecurities with my weight and overall appearance, and he offered very comforting words and was very nice and respectful about it, which I really appreciated. After about two and a half weeks, I felt comfortable enough to meet him in person. Because of my past experiences I am always super hesitant to meet in person because I worry what rude/inconsiderate thing the guy will say or do, and it usually ends up that we part ways at the end of the night and never speak again. In this situation I started to really trust J and believed and hoped he would be different, so I agreed to go to dinner and a movie with him. At the last moment I chickened out about dinner, and made up an excuse that I had to eat with my family because my Grandma was coming over that evening, and would meet him at the movie.

So last night, we met in the parking lot at the movie theatre so we could walk in together and I was blown away by him! He was even better looking in person than in his pictures, gave me a huge hug, and had the biggest smile. He made great eye contact, and was extremely friendly and outgoing. The first impression was very good! So then we got into the movie theatre and he commented he liked my purse (Coach!) and how soft my jacket was.. (aww). He then paid for the movie, and asked if I wanted any treats but since I am trying to eat healthier I politely declined. We then had nearly an hour to kill before the movie started, so we just talked at a little quiet table and really hit it off..we talked and talked and talked, about everything, and he kept complimenting me, which was really sweet. He then held my hand and put his arm around me and I was just melting! Then we went and actually saw the movie and snuggled up and it was like we had been together for a long time. Everything just felt so comfortable and natural, and he just instantly made me feel protected and cared for. He kept saying how pretty my hair color was, and my eyes, and jewelry, everything, and I was just amazed because even my ex who I had been with for 4 years never complimented me that much. When the movie ended he held my hand out to the car and then we sat in my car for another hour and talked some more until the security guard kept driving by practically stalking us! So then I got out to walk him back to his car, and we hugged for a real long time and kissed :) No make out session, just a few nice gentle kisses! Then he said he wanted to see me again today, and of course I wanted to see him, so we spent most of the day together today shopping, & then had lunch. It was wonderful. He is such a gentleman, makes me laugh so hard, and is just a genuinely nice person. I am so happy to have met him! He is so affectionate and cuddly, and just makes me feel like I am the sexiest woman in the world, which is a great confidence booster. I love holding hands with him, and when he wraps his arms around me, it's just a wonderful feeling! I was actually genuinely sad when we had to say goodbye today...we are going to see another movie tomorrow night, and I just can't wait to see him again. Then after tomorrow am not sure when we will hang out next, because I start my new job on Tuesday! I'll be working as an independent contractor for a financial services business, so am really excited. It's only part-time, but will be good for when I have surgery. I also have most of my mornings free to meet with my trainer and work out, so that's good too. Everything seems to be coming together nicely, and I am digging it! :)

Pre-Op Testing

So I had all my pre-WLS tests done yesterday in order to prepare for surgery. I still need to meet with the psychologist which I am doing next week, as well as attend a group support meeting, and meet privately with the nutritionist. I am very excited that I have completed almost all of my requirements and am getting closer and closer to surgery!

One thing I have to say about the program and hospital I am having the RNY done at is everyone I interacted with was super friendly, positive, and helpful. I was pleasantly surprised. I always seem to interact with one unfriendly person no matter what it is I am doing, so to have every single person I interacted with yesterday be friendly, and actually appear to be enjoying their job, was very nice and put me at ease. The hospital itself is newer and very clean looking, and I was on practically every floor yesterday for different tests, so that helped take some of my nerves away as well.

Yesterday was a long, long day of tests and waiting. Everything was very organized and I just followed a little schedule, but I was there from 11:00-5:30, with a little break, so it was a long day. The first set of tests was blood lab work..then nurse luckily found my vein right away(I have really small veins so usually they stick me 3-4 times before finding one!)but since I had to fast for 12 hrs and didn't eat or drink anything that morning, my blood was flowing really slowly, so she had to poke around a little bit, which stung! She took 5 viles of blood, and then collected a stool sample (one of the most disgusting experiences ever) to test for the h-pylori bacteria.

After that I saw the respiratory therapist for pulmonary functions testing. I never really understood why I was seeing her, but she explained that it is very important to know my lung and oxygen capacities and how much I should be able to breathe vs. what I am actually breathing, so if there is a problem prior to surgery they can give me a breathing treatment, as well as find the proper mask/airway thingy to use on me. (This is a very half-assed description, but hopefully you get the jist!) She also showed me different breathing techniques to prevent pneumonia. The first thing she did was test my arterial blood gases to see how much oxygen was in my blood, carbon dioxide, and how my organs are funcitoning to process it. This required taking blood from the artery in my wrist (right where your pulse comes from.) I read about this and people said it was just awful and painful, so I admit I psyched myself out. I either have a high pain tolerance or it just wasn't bad..it did burn a bit more than getting it from my vein, especially because she had to poke around a bit as well, but it was by no means the horrible pain some people described. I had to apply a ton of pressure afterwards though to prevent a "goose egg" from forming. After that she weighed and measured me (I weighed 252.6, yay!) however she said my height was 5'3.5"! So I shrunk 2 inches?! What the heck! I made her retake it because I know I am actually 5'5.5", but she said I was 5'3.5"...idk what was up with that but I guess it doesn't matter that much. Then I had to sit in this glass tank and breathe into this contraption out of my mouth, with my nose pinched shut. I have a bad gag reflex when I can't breathe through my nose, so I was trying so hard to just not think about it. Luckily I was okay! I had to breathe normally for about 5seconds, and then take a sharp deep breath in and blow out for 12 seconds steadily, without taking another breath. This sounded so easy when she was explaining it but when I actually had to do it it was super hard!! I am not sure what this tested for, but I had to do it a total of 3 times. Then I had to take deep breaths and blow out quickly for 12 seconds...that made me sooo dizzy! The final thing she did was show me how to breathe properly to prevent pneumonia after surgery, as well as cough productively. She gave me this little breathing contraption (there's a special name for it I don't remember) and I have to practice breathing into it and hit a certain number on it...this is basically to make sure I am taking a deep breath after surgery so pneumonia doesn't set in. She then went over the results of my blood gases, and everything was normal and the numbers were where they should be.

After I saw her, I went to get an EKG. I have already had one of these about 5 or 6 years ago, and at that time they had found I have a heart murmur..I have a bicuspid valve rather than a tricuspid valve. At this time it isn't serious, but just another reason I need to lose weight so later on down the road my weight doesn't become an issue. That was a simple and quick procedure, however today the doctor called to go over the results with me, and I am assuming they saw the heart murmur again, but am not sure because by the time I was able to call back they were out of the office for the day!

My next appointment was with the physical therapist. She just asked lifestyle questions and what kind of exercise I get. The past month I got an exercise bike and have been meeting with a trainer once a week, as well as working out on my own, so I told her that I planned on continuing this now and up until and after surgery. She was very pleased that I was interested in getting exercise and was working toward getting in better shape. She also commented because I have a low BMI and look like I am in relatively good shape (assumingly compared to other patients she meets with) that the surgery may not be as physically tolling on me than it is for someone in not as good shape, and who is starting a new exercise routine. That made me feel prety good to hear. I told her that I really have an issue with my hunger and that was the main reason for wanting the surgery...I need a tool to control that.

After that I had a little under 2 hours to kill until my next appointment. I had brought a book along to occupy myself, but was starving because of having to fast that day. My Dad had driven me to the hospital since he works nearby it and it was an insane snowstorm yesterday and his truck handles better than my car, so I called him and he picked me up and took me to a late lunch. That was nice and a little break in between tests!

After lunch I went back to the hospital for the group nutrition meeting. There was a bit of room confusion, so I was panicking a little bit thinking I was going to miss the meeting, but found it eventually with time to spare. There were only two other women there, so it was very intimate and a nice environment for asking questions. One of the women looked around my age, and the other was much older. The nutritionist went over the general eating habits, changes that would need to be made, vitamins to take, foods we should eat/avoid, etc. etc. She gave us a huge packet with all this detailed information, so I will have to keep reviewing it. She also explained the process of eating right before and after surgery as far as the amounts of liquids I should be eating, It really wasn't anything new that I hadn't already read from blogs or obesityhelp. I did learn that I would be in the hospital for 3 days, and that since my BMI is under 50, my liquid diet is much shorter than others, so that is nice to know. She also recommended a protein shake brand (ESA?), and said we should try and find one we like and bring it in as well as a vitamin to her when we meet with her privately right before surgery. I did find out that the protein shakes I bought and like (Costco chocolate Premier brand) aren't appropriate in her mind, so I need to find something else...she wants the carbohydrate and protein amount to be similar, not where protein is 30 grams, and carbs is 5 grams (which is the case for these shakes.) Pretty disapointing since I like them! I may just bring them in anyways to see what she says since I didn't have them in front of me at the time. Then we had about 30 mins to ask questions, and I had a whole page and asked them all. She was super nice and informative, and I learned a lot and feel much more at ease.

So that was the last appointment for the day, and I was glad to be done! I do need to call my surgeon next week and figure out what happens next and figure out a time to meet with him to ask the questions the nutritionist couldn't answer.

My only hesitation, or concern so-to-speak with this surgery or any WLS for that matter, that I keep going back to, is that I am in excellent health right now, and aside from the emotional pain of being overweight, at this moment there is nothing seriously wrong with me. Granted I may not be healthy forever at this weight, but there are some people who are overweight their whole lives without any health issues, so I guess you never know. I guess I am most afraid that I could be giving up my good health in an effort to be skinny. I think many people who have gastric bypass do it as a last resort, because they have serious health issues and if they don't have the surgery they will die, so their perspective is different than mine.
And I also wonder if after the surgery, if they do get any health issues as a result of the surgery, they don't really consider them to be as significant as the health issues that were resolved as a result of having surgery. I just don't know! I guess I keep telling myself that I would rather take a risk now rather than risk doing nothing and having issues down the road. I am also completely unhappy with how I look which results in social anxiety issues, and I know if I lost weight it would help me gain more confidence and be more comfortable around people. I just hope I am making the right decision.

On a non-WLS related front, I have been dating, and have a date tomorrow night! I am really excited, I like this guy so much. We have been talking non-stop the past two weeks, and I feel like he really understands me. I told him about the self-image issues I have and he just tells me over and over how beautiful I am and that he thinks my weight is fine. I can tell he cares about me and he's just a nice guy, so I really hope it goes somewhere. Depending on how things go tomorrow I may tell him about my WLS plans, or I may wait until we are in an official relationship, if it gets to that point. I don't really know when the right time is. I know I do trust him enough to tell him, and I want to tell him, even if I don't really want to tell my other friends and family members. I just feel like your significant other should know that part about you. I also don't think he would judge me or think badly of it, which I think is the main reason I feel comfortable telling him. As must as I love my friends they are pretty gossipy, so don't really know if I want to tell them or not. Sooo I will have to write all about that tomorrow night!

Skinny Water

I have soo much to write about but am so sleepy, so just want to quickly post this before I forget! Have any of you tried Skinny Water? 9 different flavors, 0 calories,0 sugar, 0 sodium, and depending on the flavor you get different vitamins. It's sooooo good!! If you don't want to drink your calories but want something other than water, Crystal Lite, Propel, etc. this is the stuff!

skinnywater.com has all the details. You can buy cases online on Amazon.com, under $20 for 12 bottles, which may seem a little pricey but it is so worth it. My favorite flavor is Raspberry Pomegranate. It is flavorful enough to the point where if you add ice you can make a delicious slush type drink, which I love. If any of you have tried it, what do you think?

Pre-WLS Tests This Week!

My tests are Thursday! Can't believe how quickly time flew by! And I weighed myself today, and lost 4 lbs since my weigh-in with my doctor. Yay! This working out and drinking protein shakes and watching what I eat is working :)

Bought A Bike!!

Today I bought an exercise bike! I am super excited. It is the ProForm XP 210 Upright Bike, for $230, from Sears. The setup/delivery is another $100, and there's an optional warranty/maintenence for another $50, so for $380 I am very happy. The bike is super comfortable and easy to ride. The seat is really supportive and cushiony, and the handlebars are in a comfortable position IMO. The resistance gets crazy hard too! There is an iPod/MP3 hookup with external speakers, and it counts calories and records time, and is super easy to move. It weighs only 90 lbs and has rollers to move it, so for me it's a perfect starter bike. The only issue I saw was the seat adjustment is a little hard to do, but since I will probably will be the only one using it that really shouldn't be too big of an issue! We tried a whole bunch out Schwinn, NordTrack, and a few other ProForm and this one was by far the most comfortable. And also the least expensive, which I thought was funny. I figure it won't last forever but it's a good starter bike and should be great to use in between my workouts at the gym!

I also went to Costco and picked up a few things to try. A bunch of you lovely ladies had left me comments on the many different protein drinks to try and being the dumbdumb that I am, I forgot the list at home! So I picked up what I thought was the right stuff, haven't tried it yet, but am going to have one for breakfast or lunch tomorrow. It is the Premier Nutrition Protein Shake in the chocolate flavor. 30grams of protein, 1 gram of sugar, and 160 calories. Not bad for a good protein-filled meal! Many of my followers are Lap-Banders, so finding protein drinks with no to low sugar may not be as huge as an issue it is for RNY patients, but to avoid dumping syndrome it's a big deal to find no to low sugar items, so I really hope this one tastes decently, because I know with RNY it's really hard to get in the amount of protein you need because you don't feel hungry the first few months after surgery. I left them in the garage to get them nice and chilled. I also saw another protein drink that looked so good, but it had 30 grams of sugar! I was shocked that there was that much.

Another thing I got were the Vitafusion Multi Vites Adult Gummy Vitamins. I have been taking the liquid vitamin I got from Costco a couple weeks ago but just wanted to try this as well. I need to run them both by my surgeon to make sure they are enough of the vitamins I will need, but hopefully they are because they are really easily digestible and absorpable.

The last item I got from Costco was the Natrol 5-HTP Mood Enhancer. Taken directly off the bottle, it "promotes a positive mood, helps control your appetite and supports normal sleep. Regular use of 5-HTP helps to naturally balance your body's own levels of serotonin, a chemical messenger that affects emotions, behavior, appetite, thought and sleep." The past few months I have been suffering from insomnia and not sleeping well, so I am hoping this will help me get to sleep at a more normal hour, and stay asleep. I also heard that it improves your dreams, which I think is kind of cool! I also hope it helps supress my crazy appetite! That would be awesome. Since I consider myself a positive person already, maybe this will also take me to the Richard Simmons-Level of positivity! I will have to write reviews on all of these things after I've been taking them for awhile.

I also saw a giant jar of Benefiber, but am going to try a normal amount of it first before I buy that huge amount to make sure I can tolerate the flavor. Another thing I have to take right after surgery to avoid constipation and other issues!

I also got some new skin care items from Ulta, and am so excited about them! I have super dry, sensitive, red facial skin. I blame the WI weather (Although lately it's been in the 40's and mild, so I can't complain too much!) but it is still really irritated and tight feeling. I also have been having mild breakouts on my chin and t-zone area which is super unusual for me. I think it's because I've been off birth control for a few months now so when it's my TOM my body freaks out like a normal person's. Anyways, I did some research and found some products on the Mario Badescu skin care line I wanted to try. I got the drying lotion, control cream, and silver powder. The drying lotion is for whiteheads and zits, and is like this calamine-pink goopy stuff you put on a cotton swab and dab on your problem areas. The control cream is for rosacea sufferers, and is super moisurizing and soothing cream. And the silver powder is a powder that turns into a mask to eliminate blackheads. Ulta also gave me a free Mario Badescu sample of facial cleanser, and a huge bag filled with a ton of amazing samples of a bunch of different products for spending over $50, so that was really exciting! I used the drying lotion on my acne tonight and the control cream, and so far am extremely pleased. The control cream instantly soothed my red, irritated skin, and since I am writing this about 6 hours after I applied it, my skin no longer feels tight and dry, and looks smoother, softer, and healthier. The acne hasn't cleared up but I am hoping after a few uses it will. So I highly recommend this skin care line to anyone having issues! There are products for every different skin type, and the stuff isn't as expensive as some skin care lines. The most expensive was the control cream...$30. I was a little shocked but after using it I know it was well worth it!

If anyone has used any of the products mentioned please let me know how you liked them! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe weekend!

Great Workout!

I had a really good workout today and have been eating healthy the whole day (I am starving as a result and have a slight headache...I swear it's just like an addict going through withdrawals.) I did 45 minutes of cardio. It was awesome. My legs are tired now but I am ready to go again tomorrow. I was proud and amazed with myself that I was able to go for so long because I hadn't worked out in a really long time. I also ran into my old trainer and set up a session with her for Monday, and am going to try and meet with her 3 times a week. after that That way I will really make sure I get my work out in and get a little more guidance on what I should be doing to lose weight.

I also talked with my parents and told them I really want a stationary bike for our rec room, and they agreed on the purchase, yay! The gym I go to takes 20 mins to get there, so it seems silly to me to drive all that way on the days I only want to bike. I also get a second wind of energy in the evening, so it would be nice to have the option to bike if I wanted to!

That's all for now, feeling a little sleepy without all the calories/sugar!

Third Weigh-In

I went to see my doctor yesterday for my 3rd weigh-in for my 6-month supervised diet. I had the first appointment toward the middle of October, had one in November, and then skipped the month of December and had this third one as close to the beginning of January as possible,so I'm hoping that it will count as 4 months in a row, even though I was only weighed 3 times. I'm guessing not, but am going to ask my surgeon anyways. I weighed in at a whopping 258...not good. I only gained about 2 lbs from Thanksgiving thru the holidays, which is really good for me. That was the end of the semester and the holidays where I was eating constantly, so I was surprised it wasn't that much, however disapointed that my weight is up that high again. I was down to 232 and in less than a year gained 26 lbs. My doctor said she wants to see me lose 5 lbs for next month, so I have been really trying now as far as watching what I'm eating. I realized though some days I go without drinking any water, which is so bad. I drink a lot of sugar free/calorie free stuff, but still its not the same as just good old fashioned H20.

In officially 1 week I will be going through all my pre-testing, and I am excited to get started!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! 2012 is here! What a great year it will be. I wish everyone a year filled with happiness, health, love, & success and the motivation to do whatever it is you set your mind to.