Down 20 lbs!

Ahh! Finally down 20 lbs! Can't believe it...things have been going okay.. I still need to write some long blog posts. I am feeling physically really good, but my eating is awful these past 3 days...I am at best getting 50 calories a day in. I know this is eventually going to catch up with me but I just cannot eat...no appetite and protein shakes just make me feel so full and gag, even following the nutritionist's orders on sipping slowly over the course of an hour. I was getting about 8 ounces in but then this past weekend just started to get disgusted by them. I am seeing the surgeon on Monday, so I am hoping my body will hold out until then and just use my fat stores for energy and nutrients. I know protein is so so important for healing but there is something about those protein shakes I just can't stomach. I know some people who have to be on clear liquids for 2 weeks after their RNY, so I figure less than week shouldn't kill me as long as I am staying hydrated.

Post-RNY!

Ahhh I keep forgetting to write a new blog post on the surgery but things are going great! I have so much to write about but am super sleepy, so will probably write a long post tomorrow. I am down almost 20 lbs..in about 2 weeks...that's just insane to me. My parents said my face and neck look slimmer, so that's cool! I have a feeling I will lose weight first in my face and chest area and then stomach since that's where I carry the most weight. Pain wise I am doing well..my stomach area doesn't even hurt that much and I can bend and everything, but my back just kills me! I can barely walk it is so sore..IDK what to do. I only take one pain pill at night so I can sleep on it so don't take any during the day and it sucks because it's super tight and sore. I have been doing great on clear liquids, protein drinks not so much..only averaging about 8 ounces, and supposed to average 16. My surgeon said as long as I stay hydrated that's the most important thing...it's weird because I can tolerate 1/4 cup of blended Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup really well, but protein shakes just sit there and make me bloated and gurgly. I am going to look for more juice-based protein drinks rather than milky-thick ones, maybe that's the issue. It's such a weird feeling to not be hungry. I also had a bite of cottage cheese today and just thinned it really well through my teeth, and that tasted sooo good. I hated cottage cheese before surgery but it was so delicious afterwards. I have to wait about 9 more days before I am supposed to have that, but I can have yogurt so I figured one bite would't kill me..and it didnt! It went down smooth and I felt good. :)

Home from the Hospital!

Surgery went great, no complications, and am already on full liquids (however am not at all hungry/thirsty) so am just trying to force myself to drink. I will write more tomorrow but I am home and feeling pretty great...mild pain but surprisingly from my back and not really my surgery area. I think laying on my back and having all that extra weight made it sore. I also have gas pains and am just trying to walk around a lot and fart up a storm :)

Off to Surgery!!!

So in about 15 minutes I will be leaving for the hospital for my RNY! I am a little more nervous than I was last night now but so far not so bad..I feel prepared and ready! It's surreal that this is actually happening today. I am just hoping everything goes well and the pain is minimal! This morning I weighed 252, so lost about 11 lbs total during my pre-op liquid diet..not too shabby! I took more measurements last night and will be taking some quick before shots in about a minute or two! Thanks to everyone who has been reading and leaving comments since I started this Blog...so appreciated! I can't wait to do my next update with some new plumbing! :)

Tomorrow's the Big Day!

Ahh I am so excited! Tomorrow marks the beginning of my new and improved, and much healthier life! I can't wait. I still am not nervous. I don't understand because I am the biggest worrywart, and always get anxiety over everything, and I just feel super calm and just like tomorrow is another day. I am trying not to think about the pain or any of the gross/uncomfortable things that might happen after the surgery, and I think it's helping.. I think I am just so comfortable with the choice I am making and know that it's right that I feel like I have no reason to be worried. I am just so fed up with being overweight and not living my life to it's fullest potential because my size holds me back. I want to go out and LIVE! It will be a new amazing beginning and I feel like I will have so many more opportunities!

Taking some time to reflect, I also just can't believe it's happening. In less than 24 hours I will be on my way to becoming a completely different person..both physically and mentally, and my life as I know it now will forever be changed. It's kind of one of those moments in life where you have to pinch yourself to make sure it's actually happening to you. Everything just has gone so smoothly it seems like it's unreal, and a dream. I didn't have any roadblocks..everything from my bariatric center, to the insurance, to my own health..it just worked out perfectly. Like this was meant to be! I remember when this journey to considering WLS began, less than a year ago. In August I had just come back from a trip to visit my best friend in Kansas City. I got home and looked in the mirror, and realized how fed up I was with being fat. On that trip, my feet/legs swelled up super bad because of the heat and humidity, I looked awful and fat in all my pictures from the trip, I was exhausted from doing all the physical activities I did, and I was constantly hungry. I was so sick of it and realized I needed to make a permanent change. So I started researching WLS, Lap-Band specifically, and began lurking in the WL community and eventually making my own blog. After gathering much more information and many meetings, I chose RNY, and the rest is history!

What also just amazes me is fate, and how crazy things end up turning out. The reason I am able to have this surgery is because it's covered by my insurance..insurance I only had for a little over a year, and never would have gotten had my chiropractor not submitted claims to my old insurance company (even after I asked them not to.) It's a long and semi-complicated story, but I had better send that guy a fruit basket or something to thank him!

So...that's it for now! I can't wait to write about my experience. I am hoping for no complications and an uneventful but productive recovery time!

Liquid Diet Days 6 & 7..

Yesterday was my first day of clear liquids only, and today is the same, and also my last day of the pre-op diet before RNY, TOMORROW! I am so excited and happy the big day is finally this close! Yesterday wasn't too bad, but the liquids did indeed do their job of flushing out my system..I wasn't hungry and actually had to force myself to get the liquids in. I ended up losing another pound yesterday, so am hoping I will weigh 250 tomorrow for the day of surgery. That will put me at (-13 lbs) from my pre-op physical and beginning of the liquid diet which would be awesome! Yesterday I spent the day getting things ready around my house for when I get back, doing laundry, organizing, cleaning, and packing my hospital bag. I also practiced using my breathing exercise thing I had forgotten about (oops!) but don't think it will be an issue.

Today I still need to dust and vaccumm and shave my legs lol! Very important! I think I might put nice clean sheets on my bed too :) It's so gorgeous here outside, 65 and sunny, it is a shame I am wasting it indoors! I am afraid to venture out because I am literally going to the bathroom every 10 minutes, and it comes on so suddenly, and I can't control it. I had to run to the bathroom on more than one occasion and as Peter from Family Guy says, "It was a photo finish!" I have absolutely no appetite today and have actually been gagging just trying to get in my required 6 cups of fluids, and forcing myself to drink more but am probably no where near the 6 cup extra mark...which I know is so bad because of dehydration so am really trying hard! Other than that not much is new! I am going to weigh myself before bed tonight, but this morning I lost another pound, so I am only like 2 lbs away from the 250 mark! I also plan on weighing myself early tomorrow morning, and then taking before pictures tonight as well. I am so excited for tomorrow! I am going to wake up around 6 a.m. and will weigh myself and do a quick blogpost before I go to the hospital. I am bringing my iPad with me so I can still read blogs if I feel like it but probably won't do any updating until I am home! Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!

Liquid Diet Day 5..

End of Day 5 and all is well :) Wasn't hungry at all today..had to force myself to drink 2 protein shakes, only had 1 Jello, and even my cups of juice felt like too much. I didn't get as many fluids in as I should have so really need to make sure I try and drink more tonight to make up for it. I wonder if this is how it will feel like after surgery? I can see why you lose weight fast! I don't even think about eating food anymore now that my hunger is gone, which just proves to me that I overate because I had that hungry feeling, not out of boredom or emotions as my Mom always said. I eat the stuff I have to so I follow my Dr.'s orders and stay hydrated, but not because I really want to or feel hungry. It's weird. I know this isn't a sustainable diet or long term solution but it makes me a little bummed out that there isn't some less drastic method of controlling my hunger. However, I suppose knowing my personality, if I wasn't forced to do something or my health wasn't directly in danger if I didn't follow the diet, I would probably slowly return to old eating habits, just because I could. I know surgery is the best option to prevent me from doing that because I absolutely do not want to jeopardize my health after going through all this! Not to mention I don't want to experience dumping syndrome, so just the possibility of that happening to me deters me from wanting to try sweets/high fats (hopefully anyways haha..we will see when the time comes how strong my willpower is right?!)

I was down another pound this morning, bringing my weight to down 8 lbs since I was weighed at my doctor's. Another motivator of wanting to stay on track. I think that seeing actual results everyday as small as they may be, really helps me..I know when I was working out and eating healthy a month or so would go by with no change, so that was discouraging. I know I won't lose weight everyday so after I have surgery my plan is to only weigh myself once a week, maybe even every 2 weeks. I think if I am doing what I should be doing, the numbers will reflect that so it would be just discouraging to way everyday and see too many fluctuations, and I want to avoid that!

Today was also the last day of protein shakes for a few days anyway! YAY! I can tolerate them but will be happy to have a break. Nothing but clear liquids tomorrow and Sunday! 6 cups of stuff with sugar (juice, italian ice, normal jello) and at least 6 cups low-calorie stuff. I can't believe I did it and it's almost over, and it surprisingly was not as bad as I expected it to be. I thought my hunger would be crazy, and it really is under control. I still need to drink one more protein shake tonight, a cup and a half of juice, some more fluids, and take my last vitamin and then tomorrow brings a new day. I think rather than calling it Liquid Diet Day 6, I will title tomorrow's blogpost Colon Cleanse Day 1, since that is what it will be like haha! I am preparing for explosions and the worst lol!

So after taking my puppy to the Vet today, I had to call the nurse from the hospital to get my instructions for Monday morning and what to expect for surgery. They were supposed to call me, however yesterday afternoon the nurse called and was like "Hi, I just wanted to go over what to expect for your surgery tomorrow." I was like "Ummm, excuse me?! I thought it was on Monday!" Then she explained she had mixed up the charts and was sorry but I would have to call back today...so that's what I did! So I found out a little more about what to expect..my surgery is at 10:00 a.m. and I have to be to the hospital at 7:45 a.m. where they are first going to do a pregnancy test, and then give me shots of Lovenox in my stomach to prevent blood clots..yuck! I heard this burns and bruises so that should be fun. Then I will meet with the anesthesiologist and get some relaxers if I want them....then the surgery itself is going to be performed with the robot, and could take up to 4.5 hrs! Wowzer! I don't know if that's common to do it with the robot or not, but whatever I guess. Apparently there is less pain involved, smaller incisions, and recovery time is lessened so that's cool. Then after that I will be in the hospital till Wednesday night, and should be up and walking around by Monday evening. I asked about a drain and catheter since I had read that those are sometimes used, and the nurse said it all depends, but my surgeon does sometimes do both. However, if I do get a drain it will be removed before I leave the hospital, so that's good...I was most worried about having to take care of one at home on my own. I then told her about my adhesive allergy because I don't want to get a rash on my incisions like what happened when I had knee surgery..it was horrible. Super itchy and red and took forever to heal. She then told me the respiratory therapist would be coming to visit me and the nutritionist on Wednesday, and then told me I could only drink water until 6 am Monday morning, and had to stop all my vitamins on Sunday. So that's all I know for now! I am still not nervous.. I just feel like this is what I have to do, I made my choice, just another day kind of thing. I don't think now I can even imagine how much my life will change but I am so excited for the possibilities!

My Dad and I ran a bunch of errands today...he needed some new clothes and I had to get some stuff for before surgery. I ended up getting a food chopper thing, some small 1/2 cup containers with lids, some chewable gas-X, and of course some more books from Goodwill :) I also ordered chewable Papaya Enzymes from Amazon, because I heard they help if food gets stuck or makes your stomach upset. I still need to get a food scale and a little medicine type cup that measures liquid in ounces (I might just use a little shot glass!) I am going to order those on Amazon too but didn't feel like looking at that stuff anymore tonight. I was so exhausted when I got home, running around on basically an empty stomach is draining! And all the food stores I kept seeing..I wanted Panera for a minute and then was like okay, I am not hungry, I just miss the taste! Mmm caesar salad and french bread...someday we will meet again lol.

My Mom got me the new Footloose movie when she went shopping with my Grandma today, so that was nice of her! I also found out she has been telling the family members I am trying to lose weight and am not eating out anymore and eating much smaller quantities of food, as well as asked them not to get me any Easter candy (my family still gives out Easter baskets to me even though I am 23) so that was appreciated that she is being more on board with not feeling the need to tell her family about my surgery decision.

She is driving me nuts about one thing though..my 8 year old cousins always spend the weekend at my Aunt's house (Mom's sister who lives a few houses down from us) and my Mom is super in love with them, and does anything and everything to please them, even if it means inconveniencing herself or my Dad and I. Most recently they have been coming over at least once a week in the evening unannounced just to play with my puppy..I understand they like her and everything, but it's inconsiderate of my Aunt to just open the door to our house and walk in with the children during the dinner hour/relaxing time, and just basically invite herself over. Not to mention it's ALWAYS during when I am supposed to feed my dog, and she doesn't eat when she's distracted, so that throws off her eating schedule, which throws off when she poops (literally you can time her it's so accurate) which screws up my sleep schedule because then I have to get up in the middle of the night to let her out. It's just rude and can be completely avoided if they were to come during the day or something, but because that's not convenient for THEM, they don't want to. So rather than my Mom saying something and calling her out, she just lets this continue on and on...so this weekend being the two days before my surgery and knowing I will probably be having explosions and be in a nervous/not-so-pleasant mood, I asked her to tell my Aunt that if the girls want to see the dog that it needs to come to their house or ideally reschedule for another weekend, since they like to stay for hours on end and more than likely I will need to use the bathroom in that time and drink my stuff. My Mom has a complete bitch fit and is complaining that I am trying to alienate myself, and it's rude to exclude her family from our house. Umm isn't it rude to just invite yourself over and walk in someone else's door without knocking or calling ahead?! I know it's family but come on..half the time I walk around with no pants on! So yeah apparently I am being unreasonable but it's pissing me off....just stand up to your sister and tell her that we have plans and don't let her be dictating when she's going to come to our house. I told my Mom that if they all come over here tomorrow or Sunday I will hide my dog and then that will teach her a lesson lol. She was not happy with me!

Hungry!

I want friggen' food. Nowwww!

Liquid Diet Day 4...

Down another pound! Yay! It makes it so much easier and motivating to stick to this diet after seeing such progress. Losing a pound a day is pretty amazing to me. I woke up not feeling very well..stomach was queasy and the last thing I wanted was to eat/drink anything...took my vitamin, drank my juice, then protein shake and I was gagging trying to get it down..then I heard a rumbly in my tumbly, and the explosions started..let's just leave it at that, but luckily I feel better now haha!

Liquid Diet Day 3...

Day 3 is coming to a close and I feel nearly normal! Yay! No headache and the hunger isn't an issue...only a weird taste in my mouth. It's wonderful. I didn't get as much exercise today as I did yesterday, so I think that may be why I wasn't as hungry and didn't have a headache. I think I overdid it yesterday with all the walking around and possibly got dehydrated, so I made sure today to take it a little more easy...I organized my rec room, did some laundry, and found my stash of jeans that are currently too small but should fit in a month or so! I also caught up on Real Housewives of the OC and trained my puppy! I am amazed at how smart she is. She learns things so fast and listens well. She is getting her final set of shots this Friday and then I can start taking her to puppy classes and socializing her with other dogs. I want her to become a Canine Good Citizen so I can take her to volunteer, and I think she will be the perfect candidate for it...she catches on quick, listens well, and absolutely loves other people and animals. Plus she is smaller and doesn't shed, and is super soft and fluffy, so she should be a hit :) I forgot to include this in my post yesterday, but when I took her to the park yesterday there was another dog that was loose who came and snapped at my little girl.. I was so annoyed! The signs say leashed dogs only and apparently no one cares to follow that rule but me, and I am the one with the 6 lb puppy! The owner apologized and said the dog had never done that before but come on...if your dog is loose and doesn't listen to you call it, and then comes charging over to other dogs barking and snapping you should probably ALWAYS keep it leashed, and maybe reconsider taking it to a park where there are little kids and other dogs. I didn't even have time to pick my puppy up who was in her little harness and leash it all happened so fast. Luckily she backed away really quickly so she didn't get bit or anything but just got scared so I quick picked her up and comforted her..poor little thing! She is too sweet for words. I am so thankful I got her before my surgery because she is a great distraction and keeps me in a happy and positive mood..she will also be a great little walking buddy after I have surgery and a good little snuggler to keep me company :)

Anyways! I weighed myself this morning and have lost 4 lbs and hopefully tomorrow will show another pound or two lost. I have been sticking to the liquids and no cheating, and am so proud of myself and the willpower I am demonstrating. This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I know I am fortunate to say that a liquid diet is one of the hardest times of my life, because for most people this isn't probably difficult, but for me giving up food and making a conscious effort to EXTREMELY limit my intake is hard and I am very proud I am able to do it. Each day gets a little easier and I feel a little better...only 4 more days left and then SURGERY! I am so excited..no nerves, just ready to start my new life. I cannot wait for all the good things to come, the clothes I am going to wear, the confidence I will gain, and all the new activities and things I will be able to do that my weight held me back from. It will literally be a new life and I am READY!

Speaking of surgery, the surgeon's office called today and told me my surgery time was pushed back from 8:45 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. which I am not complaining about! I am not a morning person so a few extra hours to sleep is okay in my book :)

My Dad was telling me that because I am having my surgery it will be making him eat healthier because he feels too guilty buying bad food and cooking and eating it in front of me. I said it didn't matter but he said he is really going to try to cook healthy stuff, so that is good for me since I can enjoy healthy,tasty meals once I am allowed to eat solid foods! He is a much better cook than me so I hope he can teach me a few things before I move out. It is crazy what I am craving now..not sweets or pizza or chips like I thought I would want, but I want eggs, cheese, fish, chicken, salad..REAL food. I can't wait until I can eat some chicken again! My Dad made baked lightly breaded Tilapia tonight and it smelled and looked so good..I don't even like fish that much but I wanted some so bad!

Annnd lastly, my parents are fighting amongst themselves and my Mom with me over my choice to keep my surgery private from all my family members, specifically my Mom's side of the family, who she is very close with. My Dad is supporting my decision because he realizes I am an adult and don't owe an explanation to anyone about anything I choose to do, and that's causing tension with my Mom because she feels like she is lying to her family...this makes me so, so angry. Number one, I don't understand how she thinks she is lying to them. They have no reason to come out and ask her if I am having surgery on Monday, and as I lose weight I told her to tell them I am carefully watching what I am eating, limiting my portions, and working out, which is all true. There's no reason she needs to tell them I had a surgery. I also don't understand why she can't just be supportive of my choice and let it go..they don't need to know. I explained to her why I didn't want to tell them, the main reason being they have an opinion about everything and think they know it all (when they are wrong and misinformed 99% of the time) and quite frankly I don't need to hear it from them. I researched this and made a decision I am comfortable with and don't want to hear any bullshit or negativity. Another issue is they tell her absolutely the bare minimum that is going on in their lives and she always has to tell them our family's most personal issues and deepest secrets..it's just weird. They always want to portray perfection and she wants to make my Dad and I out to be the worst possible people. Who does that?! It's insane to me...wouldn't you want your family to appear the best too, not the worst? It just makes no sense. As I told her, them knowing would be of absolutely no benefit to me. It would be more detrimental I think, so what incentive would I have to tell them about it? That's how I am approaching each person who I determine if I want to tell or not..if it's not going to help me in anyway, why bother? I may eventually tell a few friends, but maybe not. I just feel like no one needs to know unless I want them to.

Liquid Diet Day 2..

I'm not hungry!! This is so weird lol. I went to bed last night with a rumbly stomach and a headache and cried a little because I wanted to eat so badly but then I woke up this morning feeling content and fine just really thirsty, so I took a vitamin and drank my cup of juice and still need to drink my protein drink but the thought of it right now makes me gag. I hope I go the entire day feeling like this, that would be awesome! My headache is gone and I don't feel as cold either.. maybe the worst has passed and my hunger will be semi under control. I am going to try to drink as much of the protein drink as possible, shower, then go do a little book shopping. I also weighed myself this morning (pre-BM) and lost 1.5 lbs already! How is that possible?!

Update #2..I am almost through my second day and while the hunger pains are under control I have a splitting headache that won't go away! I am happy to say I didn't cheat at all today and stuck to my diet! I laid down about an hour after I got up and slept for 2 hours then showered and went to Goodwill and got a ton of books, then Wal-Mart and got 5 things of SF Jello, a bunch of Tropical SF popsicles, some SF gum, and a bunch of different water flavors..also bought that Mio stuff to try. I accidentally bought two water flavor things with caffiene in them so those will have to go back! I got my puppy some toys too..I spoil her :) I then came home and went for an hour walk in the park with my Mom and puppy, because it was gorgeous outside today! We got a ton of snow this past weekend and today it was 55 and sunny and breezy so it all melted. Unfortunately it was super muddy and my little white ball of fluff got covered in mud..then as I was walking back to my car I slid and fell on my knees (owch!) and my jeans were soaked and mud covered. So needless to say she got a bath as soon as we got home! I am now drinking because I feel pretty thirsty and am going to lay down again...this headache got way worse when I got home so I think I overdid it with the walking. When you are only functioning on 400 calories or so it takes its toll! If my headache would go away though I would feel completely fine!

So far today I had a vitamin, iron supplement, two protein shakes (and the rest of the one I didn't finish last night), 2 cups of juice, 3 Jellos, and 2 bottles of Crystal Lite..I still need to drink a protein shake, 1 1/2 cups of juice, another bottle of Crystal Lite and take my evening vitamin before bed..that's a lot of fluids! I am going to be peeing like a racehorse tonight lol. I should probably also eat another Jello and a popsicle too...I want to take in at least 800 calories per day since I heard your body goes into starvation mode if you don't get at least that amount and you have trouble losing weight..don't want that now do we?!

Day 1 of Liquid Diet

I am going to update this as the day goes on, but I just wanted to write what's been happening so far this morning! I woke up very hungry, so I started to drink my first protein shake the minute I woke up. I have to get so much liquid in per day this first week that I said screw sipping, I am just going to drink until I don't want to anymore and then sip if I need to. I drank about half my drink in the first sitting and then got nauseous/queasy (due to nerves/excitement that this is happening.) So I took a break, and then resumed drinking..same thing happened..took another break and added ice in a glass and poured the remainder in there and then finished it off. I then took my first Flinstone chewable vitamin, and mixed some Crystal Lite in a water bottle (raspberry lemonade flavor...soooo yummy!) and have been sipping on that, but right now I feel super nauseous. These nerves are getting to me! I need to do something to distract myself. Luckily I don't feel hungry anymore lol! In about an hour I have to drink my first cup of juice (Mott's Apple..yum!) and then around 1:00 will be having my second protein drink. In total for these first five days I have to drink at least 3 water bottles of something (water or Crystal Lite), a SF popsicle or two and some SF jello, 3 protein shakes, and 3 1/2 cups of juice. I can do this!

I still need to weigh myself and take my Iron supplement this morning...off to do that :)

Update #1...weighed myself and I weigh 261.4 lbs (no clothes on)..I took my Iron Supplement, drank my cup of juice, and ate a jello cup..I am freaking starving!! This is so hard! All I am thinking about is food...my stomach is growling and I just want to go into the cupboards and eat the Cheetos I know are there and the Olive Garden leftovers..I can't wait till my family gets home and eats that crap so I can stop thinking about it. I am doing everything to distract myself..I should probably not be in the house but I feel really crappy so don't really want to be driving around. Ughhh I hope this next week goes fast!!

Update #2.. Today was a fail on the liquid diet. I feel awful. My head is pounding and I am crabby and tired and have a weird sugary taste in my mouth..everything is so freaking sweet tasting! This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I am STARVING!! I want to eat anything and everything...even my dog's treats look appetizing right now. I don't know how I am going to do this. I already cheated. I ate a handful of pumpkin seeds, a small piece of cheese, some Cheetos, and a leftover OG breadstick. I also skipped my lunch protein drink to make up for these extra calories, but drank my cup of juice. I think the problem is I really don't like the protein drinks so it's very hard for me to get them down. They are just completely unappetizing even though I am super hungry. I counted all my calories for the day so far and with the cheating foods plus the liquids I am supposed to be drinking I am sitting at a little over 800 calories. I am not sure if I can have unlimited SF Jello/Popsicles since each Jello is 10 calories and each popsicle is 15...I feel like I could eat those all day long but the calories would add up...I know the goal of this is to shrink the liver to make for a safer surgery but I read that some people's surgeons only made them do a 2 day liquid diet, some only 24 hrs, some for 2 or 3 weeks (which I can't even imagine!) so I think that even though I cheated today it won't mess anything up...as long as today is the last and only day I do it. Tomorrow I will start over and not eat anything solid and follow the instructions better. I also need to get more Jello. I need to not be in the house I think that is the problem..I know the food is there and I am hungry so my mind is only on food.

Update #3...Made it through Day 1. Longest day ever! I cheated but probably only consumed 1,000 calories which isn't too bad considering I was probably consuming like 2,500-3,000 before today. I finally feel content right now and my stomach isn't growling. I went to bed at 6:30 and slept until 10:00 and then drank some protein shake, my last cup of juice, and had a popsicle. I also tried some organic broth which was disgusting and then tried some bullion cube mixed with water and that was pretty good so had some of that. I hope tomorrow is easier. I am NOT going to cheat anymore! I am going to get out of the house though and go shopping because that always helps...I love going to a bookstore and browsing books for hours so I think I will do that tomorrow and maybe go to Goodwill and look at some books there too. I am just trying to keep in mind the bigger picture of all this and why I am going through this and how in the end it will be worth it. I love looking at people's before/after pictures and stories on ObesityHelp...extremely inspiring and motivating. I found a 28 year old around the same measurements and start weight as me and is now down to 130 lbs and looks like a completely different person. There are thousands like her so I know I can do this too...and it will be so worth it! On a side note, I was freezing the entire day today so I wonder if that's a side effect of my body breaking down stored fat? I normally am warm but had to turn the heat to 70 and wear my fleece jacket inside...my feet and hands are still freezing! It's weird because I am not used to being cold like this but I heard after surgery it gets worse so I better get used to it.

I also want to touch on how out of control my food addiction is. I couldn't make it through one day without eating something (rather than drinking it like I should have.) Granted it wasn't a lot of food but still...it was like my body needed that fix. That is scary that I let myself get that bad where I feel like I absolutely NEED something or I am going to go crazy. I was like panicky and crying because I didn't want to eat the food but finally was like okay just one bite of something..and then that led to a few bites of something else. That is not okay!! I need to get this under control. It really is hard but I have to do it!

1 Week Liquid Diet Starts Tomorrow!

So tomorrow marks exactly 1 week until my RNY surgery, and I also begin my 1 week liquid diet. I am a little nervous how I will handle my hunger but am excited to begin and can't believe how soon everything has happened. I hope this next week will fly by! I need suggestions of things I can do to get out of the house and take my mind off eating..it seems like every place I go to will have food involved, but I suppose I should just get used to it! I think that my mind hunger will be the biggest struggle this next week...seeing everyone eating food and smelling food..it will take a lot of willpower to just stick to liquids.

Lots of things to write about...last week Monday I had an appointment with my surgeon, to do the pre-surgery physical. It really wasn't much of anything, I just got weighed (262 lbs) and then was able to ask the nurse a bunch of questions, as well as the surgeon. I just asked a few things regarding vitamins, protein levels, complications from surgery, and everything was pretty well in order. I had questions about ulcers developing because I read that if you drink a lot of citrusy things that it increases your chances. Since I am a huge lemonade drinker this worried me, but my surgeon reassured me that I had nothing to worry about..apparently smoking is the thing that causes ulcers and can lead to other health issues so that's why he wants everyone he operates on to quit smoking..luckily I never started, so was in the clear! Other than that, I really don't feel too nervous, I feel in good hands with the surgeon and his team. I think I am less nervous about the actual surgery and pain involved and more nervous of the unknowns of what life will be like 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, 20-30+ years living with this major change to my body. I know I will look and feel better and be able to do much more, and most importantly be healthier, but I just wonder if I will turn into a hypochondriac and if any little stomachache or weird pain will make me feel like I need to go to the ER. The other concern I have is that I really love traveling, and what if some major complication were to happen in a different country or on a trip somewhere remote? I realize that health-related things could happen regardless of having this surgery but it still kind of worries me..I guess I just need to stop over thinking things and worrying, and just take it day by day. Hard for me to do since my personality is anal retentive, plan ahead and everything works out, but I figure this is the start of a new life, so time to make changes to my thought process too! :) The nurse will be calling me this week to go over all the final details for my hospital stay, so I am looking forward to speaking with her.

Then Tuesday I had another round of Labs and a Chest X-Ray...that was the last set of tests before my surgery, so it felt very nice to get that done with! I didn't get any results yet but I am assuming it was just to check to make sure everything was in order.

This past weekend I went to visit my college friends back at school for a friend's birthday..there was a winter storm warning for Friday so I left Thursday and was so glad I did because it ended up being a blizzard on Friday and we got almost a foot of snow! I would have been so disappointed had I missed out on seeing them before my surgery. They don't know I am planning on having RNY (I've only told my parents and that guy I had been dating..that's a story for a different day though!) I had a lot of fun with them, lots of laughs..the deep belly laugh kind where you literally are sore and crying from laughing so hard..I don't think I stopped smiling once! It was a really nice change of pace and a good positive force before I go through my surgery. I did feel kind of weird because I feel like I am hiding something from my good friends. The attitude from them was that everything will just pick up where we left off the next time I come visit but for me I know my life is going to be completely changed, and it occurred to me that my relationship with them might change as well. They are all skinny but everything revolves around food all the time with them...they like eating junk food and going out for meals, and that is a big focus of our visits. I feel like I can have fun without doing that and would be just as happy seeing a movie, bowling, shopping, etc. etc. but I know that we will be going out for at least some meals together and then they will know something is different with me.. I tried this visit to mention I am trying to eat healthier by ordering chicken dishes, eating smaller portions (but not as small as I would with RNY), and drinking only water, but I'm not sure if they really noticed. Obviously I will also weigh much less the next time I see them (probably June) so that will be noticeable but I wonder if they will say anything or not! I do eventually want to tell them about my surgery, but I am not sure how they would react. I think I would tell them AFTERWARDS, but if there are any concerns/negative opinions I don't want to hear them before I go through with it. I'm not sure they would understand where I've been because they are all skinny, tiny, beautiful girls with no weight issues..they can eat poorly all day long and not gain a pound! I think it's very easy for people who haven't struggled with their weight to tell people wanting WLS to just eat healthy and exercise rather than get surgery, but if it were that easy I wouldn't be in the position I am in today. I can only hope that if someday I do decide to tell them they are supportive of my decision instead of critical, and understanding that food is no longer a main focus of my life, and we can change what we do when I visit accordingly.

Speaking of food...I've been having all my favorite things this past week and saying goodbye to them (some forever, some just temporarily)... I had Sprecher Orange Soda, Root Beer, Reese's PB eggs, Cheetos, Cobblestone muffin from Panera & bacon, egg, cheese bagel, Subway turkey sandwich, chips, licorice...basically everything bad! I really hope my tastes change like everyone says they do with this surgery. The only thing I think I will eat again in this list is the turkey sub from Subway, without the bread..just turkey and veggies! Last night I went to Olive Garden with my family and had a last big meal..I got stuffed chicken marsala and chicken gnocci soup, with breadsticks and some salad, and my mom and I split this tiny little dessert...the entire meal was soo good but I was disgusted with how much I was able to eat without even feeling full..I even told my Dad that I felt like I could still eat more but had to stop because I knew that it was too much. But a few hours later at home I felt starving again and ate the rest of my meal, along with a Dole smoothie drink, and some fruit. It sucks! I can't wait to not feel this hungry.

Tonight I also took some "before" liquid diet pics...they are awful! I can't believe how big I look. My legs and arms are fine but my stomach is HUGE and my face is fat and ugh! Goodbye double chin! :) I took measurements too. I am not sure if I am going to post them or not, but I am going to keep them in a journal and take more the night before my surgery, and then at 1 month marks. I plan on weighing myself tomorrow morning as well and using that as my starting weight. I know my scale is off from my doctor's scale but I figure it shouldn't really matter as long as I keep using it, just the total weight loss amount will matter.

I have to catch up on another blogpost, but that's what's been going on lately! Hope everyone had a good weekend!