Day 1 of Liquid Diet

I am going to update this as the day goes on, but I just wanted to write what's been happening so far this morning! I woke up very hungry, so I started to drink my first protein shake the minute I woke up. I have to get so much liquid in per day this first week that I said screw sipping, I am just going to drink until I don't want to anymore and then sip if I need to. I drank about half my drink in the first sitting and then got nauseous/queasy (due to nerves/excitement that this is happening.) So I took a break, and then resumed drinking..same thing happened..took another break and added ice in a glass and poured the remainder in there and then finished it off. I then took my first Flinstone chewable vitamin, and mixed some Crystal Lite in a water bottle (raspberry lemonade flavor...soooo yummy!) and have been sipping on that, but right now I feel super nauseous. These nerves are getting to me! I need to do something to distract myself. Luckily I don't feel hungry anymore lol! In about an hour I have to drink my first cup of juice (Mott's Apple..yum!) and then around 1:00 will be having my second protein drink. In total for these first five days I have to drink at least 3 water bottles of something (water or Crystal Lite), a SF popsicle or two and some SF jello, 3 protein shakes, and 3 1/2 cups of juice. I can do this!

I still need to weigh myself and take my Iron supplement this morning...off to do that :)

Update #1...weighed myself and I weigh 261.4 lbs (no clothes on)..I took my Iron Supplement, drank my cup of juice, and ate a jello cup..I am freaking starving!! This is so hard! All I am thinking about is food...my stomach is growling and I just want to go into the cupboards and eat the Cheetos I know are there and the Olive Garden leftovers..I can't wait till my family gets home and eats that crap so I can stop thinking about it. I am doing everything to distract myself..I should probably not be in the house but I feel really crappy so don't really want to be driving around. Ughhh I hope this next week goes fast!!

Update #2.. Today was a fail on the liquid diet. I feel awful. My head is pounding and I am crabby and tired and have a weird sugary taste in my mouth..everything is so freaking sweet tasting! This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I am STARVING!! I want to eat anything and everything...even my dog's treats look appetizing right now. I don't know how I am going to do this. I already cheated. I ate a handful of pumpkin seeds, a small piece of cheese, some Cheetos, and a leftover OG breadstick. I also skipped my lunch protein drink to make up for these extra calories, but drank my cup of juice. I think the problem is I really don't like the protein drinks so it's very hard for me to get them down. They are just completely unappetizing even though I am super hungry. I counted all my calories for the day so far and with the cheating foods plus the liquids I am supposed to be drinking I am sitting at a little over 800 calories. I am not sure if I can have unlimited SF Jello/Popsicles since each Jello is 10 calories and each popsicle is 15...I feel like I could eat those all day long but the calories would add up...I know the goal of this is to shrink the liver to make for a safer surgery but I read that some people's surgeons only made them do a 2 day liquid diet, some only 24 hrs, some for 2 or 3 weeks (which I can't even imagine!) so I think that even though I cheated today it won't mess anything up...as long as today is the last and only day I do it. Tomorrow I will start over and not eat anything solid and follow the instructions better. I also need to get more Jello. I need to not be in the house I think that is the problem..I know the food is there and I am hungry so my mind is only on food.

Update #3...Made it through Day 1. Longest day ever! I cheated but probably only consumed 1,000 calories which isn't too bad considering I was probably consuming like 2,500-3,000 before today. I finally feel content right now and my stomach isn't growling. I went to bed at 6:30 and slept until 10:00 and then drank some protein shake, my last cup of juice, and had a popsicle. I also tried some organic broth which was disgusting and then tried some bullion cube mixed with water and that was pretty good so had some of that. I hope tomorrow is easier. I am NOT going to cheat anymore! I am going to get out of the house though and go shopping because that always helps...I love going to a bookstore and browsing books for hours so I think I will do that tomorrow and maybe go to Goodwill and look at some books there too. I am just trying to keep in mind the bigger picture of all this and why I am going through this and how in the end it will be worth it. I love looking at people's before/after pictures and stories on ObesityHelp...extremely inspiring and motivating. I found a 28 year old around the same measurements and start weight as me and is now down to 130 lbs and looks like a completely different person. There are thousands like her so I know I can do this too...and it will be so worth it! On a side note, I was freezing the entire day today so I wonder if that's a side effect of my body breaking down stored fat? I normally am warm but had to turn the heat to 70 and wear my fleece jacket inside...my feet and hands are still freezing! It's weird because I am not used to being cold like this but I heard after surgery it gets worse so I better get used to it.

I also want to touch on how out of control my food addiction is. I couldn't make it through one day without eating something (rather than drinking it like I should have.) Granted it wasn't a lot of food but still...it was like my body needed that fix. That is scary that I let myself get that bad where I feel like I absolutely NEED something or I am going to go crazy. I was like panicky and crying because I didn't want to eat the food but finally was like okay just one bite of something..and then that led to a few bites of something else. That is not okay!! I need to get this under control. It really is hard but I have to do it!

1 Week Liquid Diet Starts Tomorrow!

So tomorrow marks exactly 1 week until my RNY surgery, and I also begin my 1 week liquid diet. I am a little nervous how I will handle my hunger but am excited to begin and can't believe how soon everything has happened. I hope this next week will fly by! I need suggestions of things I can do to get out of the house and take my mind off eating..it seems like every place I go to will have food involved, but I suppose I should just get used to it! I think that my mind hunger will be the biggest struggle this next week...seeing everyone eating food and smelling food..it will take a lot of willpower to just stick to liquids.

Lots of things to write about...last week Monday I had an appointment with my surgeon, to do the pre-surgery physical. It really wasn't much of anything, I just got weighed (262 lbs) and then was able to ask the nurse a bunch of questions, as well as the surgeon. I just asked a few things regarding vitamins, protein levels, complications from surgery, and everything was pretty well in order. I had questions about ulcers developing because I read that if you drink a lot of citrusy things that it increases your chances. Since I am a huge lemonade drinker this worried me, but my surgeon reassured me that I had nothing to worry about..apparently smoking is the thing that causes ulcers and can lead to other health issues so that's why he wants everyone he operates on to quit smoking..luckily I never started, so was in the clear! Other than that, I really don't feel too nervous, I feel in good hands with the surgeon and his team. I think I am less nervous about the actual surgery and pain involved and more nervous of the unknowns of what life will be like 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, 20-30+ years living with this major change to my body. I know I will look and feel better and be able to do much more, and most importantly be healthier, but I just wonder if I will turn into a hypochondriac and if any little stomachache or weird pain will make me feel like I need to go to the ER. The other concern I have is that I really love traveling, and what if some major complication were to happen in a different country or on a trip somewhere remote? I realize that health-related things could happen regardless of having this surgery but it still kind of worries me..I guess I just need to stop over thinking things and worrying, and just take it day by day. Hard for me to do since my personality is anal retentive, plan ahead and everything works out, but I figure this is the start of a new life, so time to make changes to my thought process too! :) The nurse will be calling me this week to go over all the final details for my hospital stay, so I am looking forward to speaking with her.

Then Tuesday I had another round of Labs and a Chest X-Ray...that was the last set of tests before my surgery, so it felt very nice to get that done with! I didn't get any results yet but I am assuming it was just to check to make sure everything was in order.

This past weekend I went to visit my college friends back at school for a friend's birthday..there was a winter storm warning for Friday so I left Thursday and was so glad I did because it ended up being a blizzard on Friday and we got almost a foot of snow! I would have been so disappointed had I missed out on seeing them before my surgery. They don't know I am planning on having RNY (I've only told my parents and that guy I had been dating..that's a story for a different day though!) I had a lot of fun with them, lots of laughs..the deep belly laugh kind where you literally are sore and crying from laughing so hard..I don't think I stopped smiling once! It was a really nice change of pace and a good positive force before I go through my surgery. I did feel kind of weird because I feel like I am hiding something from my good friends. The attitude from them was that everything will just pick up where we left off the next time I come visit but for me I know my life is going to be completely changed, and it occurred to me that my relationship with them might change as well. They are all skinny but everything revolves around food all the time with them...they like eating junk food and going out for meals, and that is a big focus of our visits. I feel like I can have fun without doing that and would be just as happy seeing a movie, bowling, shopping, etc. etc. but I know that we will be going out for at least some meals together and then they will know something is different with me.. I tried this visit to mention I am trying to eat healthier by ordering chicken dishes, eating smaller portions (but not as small as I would with RNY), and drinking only water, but I'm not sure if they really noticed. Obviously I will also weigh much less the next time I see them (probably June) so that will be noticeable but I wonder if they will say anything or not! I do eventually want to tell them about my surgery, but I am not sure how they would react. I think I would tell them AFTERWARDS, but if there are any concerns/negative opinions I don't want to hear them before I go through with it. I'm not sure they would understand where I've been because they are all skinny, tiny, beautiful girls with no weight issues..they can eat poorly all day long and not gain a pound! I think it's very easy for people who haven't struggled with their weight to tell people wanting WLS to just eat healthy and exercise rather than get surgery, but if it were that easy I wouldn't be in the position I am in today. I can only hope that if someday I do decide to tell them they are supportive of my decision instead of critical, and understanding that food is no longer a main focus of my life, and we can change what we do when I visit accordingly.

Speaking of food...I've been having all my favorite things this past week and saying goodbye to them (some forever, some just temporarily)... I had Sprecher Orange Soda, Root Beer, Reese's PB eggs, Cheetos, Cobblestone muffin from Panera & bacon, egg, cheese bagel, Subway turkey sandwich, chips, licorice...basically everything bad! I really hope my tastes change like everyone says they do with this surgery. The only thing I think I will eat again in this list is the turkey sub from Subway, without the bread..just turkey and veggies! Last night I went to Olive Garden with my family and had a last big meal..I got stuffed chicken marsala and chicken gnocci soup, with breadsticks and some salad, and my mom and I split this tiny little dessert...the entire meal was soo good but I was disgusted with how much I was able to eat without even feeling full..I even told my Dad that I felt like I could still eat more but had to stop because I knew that it was too much. But a few hours later at home I felt starving again and ate the rest of my meal, along with a Dole smoothie drink, and some fruit. It sucks! I can't wait to not feel this hungry.

Tonight I also took some "before" liquid diet pics...they are awful! I can't believe how big I look. My legs and arms are fine but my stomach is HUGE and my face is fat and ugh! Goodbye double chin! :) I took measurements too. I am not sure if I am going to post them or not, but I am going to keep them in a journal and take more the night before my surgery, and then at 1 month marks. I plan on weighing myself tomorrow morning as well and using that as my starting weight. I know my scale is off from my doctor's scale but I figure it shouldn't really matter as long as I keep using it, just the total weight loss amount will matter.

I have to catch up on another blogpost, but that's what's been going on lately! Hope everyone had a good weekend!

The Last Supper (at my favorite restaurant anyways!)

So in about 20 minutes I am going with my parents to have my last full meal at one of my favorite restaurants..next weekend I will be out of town and my parents never feel like going out to dinner during the week, so we decided to go today! I have another blogpost I am working on explaining this further, but by Monday I will no longer be drinking any type of soda or carbonation, so tonight and Sunday are my last two days drinking soda, probably forever. I really don't mind because I am not one of those people that NEED their Coke fix or whatever, but since I don't drink any alcohol and enjoy the flavor of soda I usually have one about once or twice a week, and usually always when I go out to eat. I'm also now wondering what I can order to drink when I go out besides water, because sometimes the water tastes gross at certain restaurants. Any ideas?!

I already know what I am having for dinner tonight since it's the only thing I get every time..Coke w/ lemon, a piece pf crusty french bread ( I will def. miss this!) Caesar salad split w/ my Mom, and then for dinner this amazing grilled chicken breast sandwich that is just to die for..it comes on a warm ciabatta bun with chicken breast, bacon, melted swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, avocado & then homemade fries & a pickle (yums!) and then some type of dessert that is homemade and changes daily. Last time my Dad and I split turtle cheesecake and it was probably one of the best things I had ever eaten. I know I will enjoy this meal and best of all it won't upset my stomach since there isn't too much grease/fat involved..usually when I go out to eat I eat the food and then almost an hour later on the dot am running to the bathroom because the grease just doesn't agree with me!

Pre-Surgery Dietician Consult

Today I met with the dietician to go over my 1 week liquid diet before I have the RNY surgery. She was really nice and answered all of my questions (even ones I knew were probably dumb or unneccessary but I asked anyway!) The thing I appreciate most about everyone I interacted with throughout this whole process was their thoroughness and that none of them made me feel rushed or unimportant..I really like that I am treated as an individual and feel like I am getting my money's worth. Some doctor's I've gone to in the past will spend a minute with you and then leave, so I really enjoy having an hour to speak with someone and get all my questions answered.

Anyways, she first weighed me and I weighed...262. Yikes. Amazing what not watching what you eat and not exercising will do (in only like 3 weeks I gained 5 lbs). I gained 10 lbs since August though. It could be worse I guess but still not good! I am only 4 lbs away from my absolute highest of 266. I hope when I meet with the surgeon on Monday he isn't too angry! After I got weighed she had me show her the protein drink I wanted to use...I was told to find one that had roughly the same amount of protein as it did carbohydrates, however the ones I really liked (the Costco/Sam's Club Premier chocolate shakes) had 30 grams of protein and only 5 grams of carbs..I brought them in anyway because I am not a huge fan of powdered protein drinks, and am really glad I did because she said they will be okay, as long as I make up for the lack of carbs by drinking 100% fruit juice in addition to the protein shakes..this is only because I don't suffer from diabetes, because if I did I would not be allowed to do this. I was very happy to hear this because I absolutely love juice..I try to limit my intake now because of the calories, but would much rather drink that than protein powder. So beginning March 5, for 5 days I have to drink a total of 3 protein drinks a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and 3 1/2 cups of 100% fruit juice (morning, afternoon, and evening snack) as well as at least 6 cups of low-calorie liquid (water, Crystal Lite, Propel 0, Skinny Water, diet V8 Splash, or sugar free popsicles) but preferably more. Then the last two days I can only have clear liquids..6 cups of clear juices with calories (she said any Old Orchard brand concentrated frozen juice beginning with apple will be sufficient or regular popsicles, italian ice, jello) and at least 6 cups of the same low-calorie liquids I listed above. I asked about drinking red liquids because I read that you shouldn't and she told me I could and that it didn't matter, so that's good because cherry Jello is my favorite flavor! I was actually surprised at the amount I am allowed to drink, because it is more than I expected. I am not as worried now because I think if my hunger gets really out of control the first two days I can just fill up on Crystal Lite/popsicles. I think the biggest struggle will be the mind hunger of wanting something crunchy or more substanial, so I think having the popsicles, Jello, and Italian ice will really help that..she told me after the first two days my hunger should't be too bad because of the stored fat breaking down or something like that (Ketosis?), so I feel better about it now :)

The second thing I showed her were two different vitamins I had planned on taking one of, depending on which one she thought was the best. I mentioned these in a previous post but both were from Costco. One type was gummy chews, the other liquid..after looking at them she said both were not good because they lacked Iron (no wonder I am deficient and need a supplement!) and the gummy ones were low on a lot of the nutrients as well as dangerous for those with RNY. Apparently right after surgery the opening my liquids is going to pass through is the size of the HEAD on a Dime..crazy right?! She said the gummy chews if not chewed well enough could plug this opening up and obviously lead to problems, so she recommended I take the Flinstones chewables, twice a day, as well as my iron supplement (however after surgery I have to wait a month before I can take the iron.) I liked that option better because those vitamins taste like candy to me and pretty much melt in your mouth so I won't run the risk of anything getting stuck. She also asked if I was deficient in Vitamin D since many people in WI are, and was surprised when I wasn't. I then asked her about supplements I needed to take, because after reading posts on ObesityHelp.com, nearly everyone takes multiple different vitamins a day and she said I shouldn't worry about that now, only if I become deficient, so that was nice to hear that I don't have to take a bunch of different vitamins just yet.

I then showed her a few more different things I had brought to drink along (Crystal Lite, Skinny Water) and asked a couple more questions, and that was basically the end of our meeting! I am going to meet with her in the hospital and then again two weeks after my surgery, so I am sure I will have more questions by then!

After my appointment I went to lunch at Potbelly (amazing subs!) and got a turkey sub and chocolate shake..I was living it up lol. Then I went to Wal-Mart and got the correct vitamins, and stocked up on juices..I also got the EAS protein powder (3 tubs of it) and a bunch of small containers for food after surgery as well as some juice containers. I am all set and ready to begin, and am so excited!

Surgery Scheduled for March 12!

So as I was writing the last blogpost the hospital called to schedule my surgery and it will be happening March 12!! Sooo soon!! I am so excited! I have to meet with my surgeon on Monday to get a pre-surgery physical done, as well as meet with the dietician, get a chest x-ray, and more labs done. I have to bring in my protein drink and vitamins for the dietician's approval as well. I start my liquid protein diet on March 5, so I have until then to eat a few of my favorite foods and drink my last orange soda lol. I just can't believe this is happening and so soon...everyone said it moved quickly but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would happen to me! I thought some setback would happen or something bad, so am just so thankful. The other really cool thing is that since the surgery is March 12, 6 months following almost to the day, will be my 24th birthday, and by 6 months I should have acheived the majority of my weight loss, which will be such an incredible feeling! I just can't wait and see progress :)

APPROVED FOR RNY!!

I AM APPROVED!!!! I AM SOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED!! I just got the phone call from my Bariatric Center and they said my insurance faxed them the approval letter, and someone will be calling me this afternoon to set the surgery up for as soon as possible!! I started crying and was literally so in shock I started stuttering! I am just amazed and so incredibly happy...probably one of the best moments of my life. It's such a huge relief knowing this will all soon be over with and I will be on my way to living a new, healthy, happier life! I also can't believe what a smooth and quick process this was...my Bariatric Center sent my paperwork out last week Friday or Saturday, not exactly sure what day, then I got a claim form from my insurance in the mail Tuesday saying how much I owed for all the lab testing and deductible amount, and then approval today!! AHHH!! I just want to dance and sing and scream!! The funny part about it is my Dad and I were just in the car talking about when I would get the letter and what it would say and no more than 5 minutes later they called me! Ahh I am just so happy!

Paperwork Submitted to the Insurance!

I have a super long blog post I am working on about what's been going on lately, but just had to share some exciting news...I finished ALL my pre-surgery requirements, and my Bariatric Center submitted the paperwork to my insurance company today! Hopefully within 2-3 weeks I will get even better news that I am approved for RNY. I hope everything happens as quickly as it seems like it's going, and I am approved my first try..I am super nervous and have been having horrible anxiety lately...not for the surgery itself but for the possibility I won't be approved. My family keeps telling me I have completed everything I was told to complete and my weight and BMI qualifies for the surgery so there should be no reason I'm denied, but you know insurance companies..they seem to always find something! I just hope all my i's are dotted and t's are crossed. There is so much at stake with this surgery and having it as soon as possible. I have been basically putting my life on hold in order to have the time to have this done..haven't been looking for a full-time job to use the degrees I graduated with, which means I haven't been saving any money to move out of my parent's house, so I don't really feel like an adult and I kind of feel stuck. Plus my weight and size make me feel super insecure and self-conscious and I don't want to go out and meet people and do things. I am seriously considering seeing someone to go back on anti-anxiety meds for a little while until this passes because my anxiety is getting so bad to the point where I can't really function normally anymore..I have all the symptoms of a social anxiety disorder, and I think I just need something to help make me through this hump. It's gotten to the point where I can't even go to the grocery store without feeling like I am going to puke..yesterday it was so awkward..I was there and just started gagging like uncontrollably and was so embarrassed I just wanted to leave ASAP! I just don't feel like myself..I can't make eye contact with anyone and I just feel like hiding and not going out, and just staying home. It sucks! SO yeah..that's where I'm at! Hope everyone has a good weekend!